My first ever weblog and a place to pour out the untamed ramblings that rattle around in the spaces between my ears.
Published on April 17, 2008 By misterME In Dogs

Okay. I know I'm likely to get flamed for the title, and content, of this article. But I just have to vent.

Puppies suck. And I'll tell you why: No household pet on the planet is more destructive, less disciplined, and smells worse (all the time, not just occasionally like a skunk) than a rotten, god-forsaken, evil little puppy.

In 34 years, I'd never had a puppy. I remember growing up with dogs, but they spent most of their time in the back yard, and came into the house only during sever weather. And they were all adult dogs, which is a totally different case than that of a puppy. But three months ago, I made the fatal mistake of letting my wife convince me (through much whining and double-talk) of going with her to look at puppies. A breeder in town had an "accident" when her pug had a secret tryst with a neighborhood dachshund, resulting in five odd little monsters. They were cute, and particularly well-behaved when we went to see them (cute puppies are pure evidence of biological evolution; if not for their cuteness, man would have slaughtered puppies into extinction long ago), so I gave in and said she could get one and bring it home.

Not a day has gone by since when I haven't regretted the weakness of my resolve.

More than half of my two-year-old daughter's toys are permanently ruined. And if she wasn't growing out of her clothes as quickly as we bought them for her, she'd be suffering on that front too. I've had to buy three pairs of shoes in three months, my wife two. Not an inch of carpet has escaped the puppy's bodily discharges. The leather couch we bought less than 18 months ago looks like we got it from Goodwill. Our cats live in constant and debilitating fear. Our back yard looks as though we've been invaded by a vicious family of dire-gophers.

I read somewhere that serial killers often practice their craft on puppies when they are young. I think the mental health profession has it backwards: I believe puppies drive perfectly sane and well-adjusted youngsters into raving sociopaths.

I'm at my wit's end. I spend more time cleaning up after my "adorable" little mutt than I do any other single thing in my life. I'm hoarse from yelling at her to stop jumping in my daughter's face ever six seconds. My wardrobe is ruined to the point that I look like a vagabond when going to work. Try as I might, I cannot get the smell of her, or her excrement, out of my house. Etc, etc.

Puppies suck.


Comments (Page 1)
on Apr 17, 2008

I know its not funny...but I had to just laugh out loud.

When looking into the face of a little puppy its easy to forget all those things isn't it?

I don't have a dog for exactly the reasons you stated, though I am sure with some training all but the smell will lessen.  I can smell dog a block away, no matter how clean they are.....and its not the odor I want to hit me when I walk into my sanctuary.

Good luck.  My advice...start watching the Dog Whisperer.  I love that show. 

on Apr 17, 2008
Dogs are pure love. They love us in spite of all our faults. Puppies are innocent pure love. Yes, they do all that, and in return they give you love.

O Lord, please make me as good as my dog thinks I am.

Amen.
on Apr 17, 2008

Try kittens.

on Apr 17, 2008
Try kittens.


The chinese do.
on Apr 17, 2008
Heh, maybe it's because you're new to the whole process. Try having 14 puppies all at once.

Thank you anonymous black lab that knocked up my dog! What an adventure that was. Want to complain about smell? Hahahaha!


~Zoo
on Apr 17, 2008

Zoo, what kind of dog did you have?  14 puppies seems like a lot for a single brood.

 

Puppies suck because they need milk!

 

Ok.  Seriously, I feel for ya.  Over the course of growing up, we had three puppies come through our house.  We never experienced the scale of destruction with having raised the three dogs over the course of their lives as you seem to have with your little one.  

My mom and dad always had baby gates up so that the puppy couldn't get to where they didn't want her.  I heard Dog Whisperer is amazing.  I only saw one episode when I was back in Canada, but the website is really good.

on Apr 17, 2008

Thanks for all the advice (and the surprising lack of flaming...). I'll check out the Dog Whisperer website.

I think at some point we're planning on taking Bella (short for Belladonna...isn't that a poisonous plant, btw?) to PetSmart for obedience training, but she's still too young right now. Maybe things will get better after that.

I have raised kittens, and I'll tell you that in every single way, they are far easier than rearing a puppy.

We use a baby gate on the stairs (originally to keep our daughter from getting hurt; now protecting the one last bastion of puppy-odor-and-destruction-free space in our home). I wish our house was laid out in such a way to keep the overgrown rat confined to one easy-to-clean space using them.

Gotta go. Apparently, Bella has just torn off one of the "do not remove under penalty of law" tags from one of the cusions of our love seat. Great, now the blasted thing is going to get me arrested...  

on Apr 17, 2008
I dislike animals that live in my house. If an animal is someone else's, that's fine with me. Keep it away from my place.

My wife wants to own a dog someday. For the kids, she says. Well, it's my stuff it's going to ruin, and I'll end up being the one taking care of it, and I don't want one. So I won't let one in the house.
on Apr 17, 2008

Jythier


I dislike animals that live in my house. If an animal is someone else's, that's fine with me. Keep it away from my place.My wife wants to own a dog someday. For the kids, she says. Well, it's my stuff it's going to ruin, and I'll end up being the one taking care of it, and I don't want one. So I won't let one in the house.

I thought the same thing until recently. Honestly, my wife's whining and pleading and supposedly-subtle headgames actually had little to do with my giving in. The truth is, I can't argue my wife's logic that it's healthy for Gabbie (our daughter) to grow up with pet companionship, especially since it's looking more and more like she'll be an only-child. And our two cats, whom we've had for years prior to Gabbie's birth, will have absolutely nothing to do with her (that may change when she gets older and learns how to approach them without running, screaming and waving her arms in the air; but for now, they just run from her a soon as they see her coming).

While I might not be a fan of Bella's special brand of love (which seems to be limited to either jumping up on my pants leg when I am standing, ripping it to shreds over time, or trying to sit in my lap while I'm sitting so she can lick my face with the same mouth she uses to eat her own poo), my daughter is in absolute love with Bella, and really enjoys her company. My only wish in that regard is that we'd picked a less rambunctious dog; I thought by avoiding the ankle-biter breeds, we'd end up with a calm and careful dog, but I was apparently wrong. There have been more than a few times when Bella's "playfulness" has resulted in scratches on Gabbie's face or arms. While none have been deep or serious, it's still a scary thing, and one I can't figure out how to prevent.

on Apr 17, 2008
Zoo, what kind of dog did you have? 14 puppies seems like a lot for a single brood.


I have a boxer...if they breed with another boxer their brood is usually 6-8. However, you add some black lab in there and apparently they just explode with babies.

Such is the way of unplanned pregnancy, I guess.

After that little incident it was spaying time.

I dislike animals that live in my house.

 
 Meanie.


~Zoo
on Apr 17, 2008
Meanie.


Would be meaner if I had animals in my house...
on Apr 17, 2008
I want to see a pic of this pug-dachshund mix. It sounds ridiculously adorable.

And I have no pets. Learned my lesson. I suck as a pet mommy.
on Apr 17, 2008
Would be meaner if I had animals in my house...


*psh*...nonsense. Animals can drive you crazy, but I think it's worth it....then again, maybe I have a bias.

~Zoo
on Apr 17, 2008

Little-whip:

I knew it was too much to ask to post this thread without at least one flame. Which is why I didn't ask.

Bella was too young for obedience school when I checked into it a couple of months ago. Since then, she has developed "Cherry Eye", a malady that causes a swollen fold of skin to protrude over her eyeball in the bottom corner. She will need to have surgery to correct it, since it can cause blindness if left untreated. When I inquired about obedience school again, I was advised to wait until after her surgery and recovery.

As for the shoes, we've tried everything short of taking them upstairs and storing them there where there's no possible way the puppy or the baby can get to them. As it stands right now, even storing them in a closet or cabinet does no good, since the my daughter has known since before she was one how to bypass "child-proof" handles and locks, and she has a tendency to find our shoes, wherever they might be, and give them to the puppy because she knows Bella likes to chew on them.

And the vinegar cure is worse than the disease. Few smells make me violently ill like the obnoxious aroma of vinegar. Blek!

on Apr 17, 2008
Thanks for all the advice (and the surprising lack of flaming...).


You said they suck, not that you were roasting them over an open Pit.

We all have our druthers. Your concerns are legitimate. We were just offering helpful advice (or waxing nostalgic).
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