My first ever weblog and a place to pour out the untamed ramblings that rattle around in the spaces between my ears.
Published on April 17, 2008 By misterME In Dogs

Okay. I know I'm likely to get flamed for the title, and content, of this article. But I just have to vent.

Puppies suck. And I'll tell you why: No household pet on the planet is more destructive, less disciplined, and smells worse (all the time, not just occasionally like a skunk) than a rotten, god-forsaken, evil little puppy.

In 34 years, I'd never had a puppy. I remember growing up with dogs, but they spent most of their time in the back yard, and came into the house only during sever weather. And they were all adult dogs, which is a totally different case than that of a puppy. But three months ago, I made the fatal mistake of letting my wife convince me (through much whining and double-talk) of going with her to look at puppies. A breeder in town had an "accident" when her pug had a secret tryst with a neighborhood dachshund, resulting in five odd little monsters. They were cute, and particularly well-behaved when we went to see them (cute puppies are pure evidence of biological evolution; if not for their cuteness, man would have slaughtered puppies into extinction long ago), so I gave in and said she could get one and bring it home.

Not a day has gone by since when I haven't regretted the weakness of my resolve.

More than half of my two-year-old daughter's toys are permanently ruined. And if she wasn't growing out of her clothes as quickly as we bought them for her, she'd be suffering on that front too. I've had to buy three pairs of shoes in three months, my wife two. Not an inch of carpet has escaped the puppy's bodily discharges. The leather couch we bought less than 18 months ago looks like we got it from Goodwill. Our cats live in constant and debilitating fear. Our back yard looks as though we've been invaded by a vicious family of dire-gophers.

I read somewhere that serial killers often practice their craft on puppies when they are young. I think the mental health profession has it backwards: I believe puppies drive perfectly sane and well-adjusted youngsters into raving sociopaths.

I'm at my wit's end. I spend more time cleaning up after my "adorable" little mutt than I do any other single thing in my life. I'm hoarse from yelling at her to stop jumping in my daughter's face ever six seconds. My wardrobe is ruined to the point that I look like a vagabond when going to work. Try as I might, I cannot get the smell of her, or her excrement, out of my house. Etc, etc.

Puppies suck.


Comments (Page 2)
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on Apr 17, 2008

I happen to have several recipes for dog, let me know!

on Apr 17, 2008

little-whip
I don't know whose 'advising' you, but I'd seek a second opinion, lol. In most cases, cherry eye does not require surgery (unless the prolapse is severe) and it doesn't cause blindness. It can cause chronic dry eyes, requiring the use of daily lubricating drops.You really need to educate yourself.In regards to enduring the temporary smell of vinegar as an alternative to the permanent funk of old urine that's soaked through the carpet padding into the subfloor, oh well, suffer with that instead. It smells like ammonia. It seems to me that it's not only the puppy you have issues with. You let your wife bully (or persuade, or guilt-trip) you into accepting this dog into your home when you were against the idea, have to share the home with the dog, and will go through considerable expense and investment of your time to do so. Then you tell me your two year old is so clever and powerful and defiant that you are unable to prevent her from literally feeding the family's shoes to the dog...just for her amusement, of course.Are you a member of this household, misterME, or just a pushover with a paycheck?Get your wife and daughter trained first, pussy. Then there might be some hope of you learning to manage a dog.(Getting warm yet?)

My, and I thought my life was rough. You win; yours must certainly be the worse of the two of us if you have that much bile built up.

Just so you know, Bella's Cherry Eye is a severe case, covering almost a quarter of her eye. The recommendation for surgery came directly from her Vet, who, while she certainly might be trying to upsell some business, was also backed up by the online research my wife did in response to her recommendation and estimate.

As for the rest of your innane posturing, I'll leave it alone. I have better things to do (like clean up the mess my puppy-monster just made in the hallway).

Cheers. And I really hope your life takes an upward turn.

on Apr 18, 2008
My, and I thought my life was rough. You win; yours must certainly be the worse of the two of us if you have that much bile built up


Don't take it personal...LW loves animals (more than most people I reckon)...she is being forth right and hard on ya out of her love and experience with abandoned/neglected animals.

She's given some great advice.....she gave me some once about a dog...know what she said?
"T, don't get one. I can tell from talking to you, and things you post, a dog wouldn't do well in your home."

Heh.

I wasn't insulted even though she basically told me I wasn't good enough to be a dog owner. hahaha.

I really like the idea of having a dog....but the reality, meh, not so much.

She has a passion for animals and everything she says stems from it....

If you do keep the dog and get some training, I hope to read some stories about him....it'll be like owning a dog viacriously...so no poop scoopin!

Woot.






on Apr 18, 2008
Based on what LW said to you, I think the current story is more towards you owning a dog vicariously.
on Apr 18, 2008
Hairless dogs - cuter than the skinny models in the Skinny Desire thread.
on Apr 18, 2008
Nah, you're far too much of a 'clean freak' to be comfy with a dog in the house, lol, unless you get a Mexican Hairless, and boy oh boy they're a little hard on the eyes.


Oh my goodness...I think that Mexican dog is CUTE. Hairless dogs are so much nicer looking than hairless cats (bleck).

cuter than the skinny models in the Skinny Desire thread.


Oh yeah.
on Apr 19, 2008

For what it's worth, my article was a rant--a way to vent frustration in dealing with an immature animal. I could almost as easily have written about my daughter, except it would probably have gotten a much more critical look, and I find it much harder to focus on just her faults (because, she's, well, my daughter). I probably will write one at some point about my coworkers, bosses, neighbors, or conservatives, since they all fall into that immature animal category as well. But that doesn't mean I’d quit my job, or sell my house and move, or relocate to a Blue state (well, maybe relocate to a Blue state).

I would no more abandon an animal I'd taken in than I would my daughter; and in case it's not clear, that means I wouldn't abandon either. I've had, loved, and been loved by pets my entire life (just never had a puppy before; kittens galore, just no puppies, or inside dogs for that matter). While the types and circumstances have changed from time to time, I always have and always will love my pets. Only once have I had an animal I could not adjust to or provide for (a kitten that had serious medical issues that I could not financially afford to have addressed), and in that case I found a loving, resource-and-education-rich home for it rather than simply abandon it. And my wife has had inside dogs her whole life (until she met and moved in with me, unless you’d consider me an “inside dog”), and is pretty knowledgeable about dogs in general.

As for Bella, it's not all bad. But the article was "why they suck", not a comparative monologue of their good and bad qualities. And it was written with a mind towards entertainment value in addition to the need to vent a little (or a lot). The situation's not 100% negative now; and I'm sure as Bella gets older, my wife and I adjust more and more to her and her needs, she gets some professional training (and WE get some professional training), my daughter gets older, etc, all or at least most of the points I made in my article will no longer apply. But right now, it's frustrating.

What I find difficult is taking advice from someone who's first line of their first response to me calls me an idiot (and then repeats that sentiment again and again), and then proceeds to accuse me of being an eventual abuser/abandoner with no other info about me besides one much-needed (for me at least) and not 100% serious rant, and tries to pick apart line-by-line everything I say thereafter. I understand a love for animals, even if mine isn't quite so overwhelming that I can't feel and express frustration at times. But it's difficult not to get offended and defensive when being verbally (textually) attacked by someone, especially when they think they know more than they do.

I'm far past wanting or needing lectures from people. I'll accept advice, especially when I've asked for it, but only when it's given in the form of advice and not ridicule or chest-thumping. I’m simply not going to sift through a tantrum to pick out the useful bits.

on Apr 19, 2008

If I can figure out how to do this, I'll attach a few pictures of the little monster here. So here goes:

on Apr 19, 2008
I use photobucket.com to upload my pics...once uploaded to photobucket, right click on the photo, go down to properites, highlight the http....jpeg line at the bottom and then come back to JU, hit the insert picture icon and paste the address.

You may already know how to do this...but I didn't and someone explained it to me much like this and it worked.

Fear my computer skills!
on Apr 19, 2008
Fear my computer skills!


We quake at your omniscience!
on Apr 20, 2008

I know that hindsight is 20/20, but I think I know two of your downfalls to puppy doom:

1) Puppies and 2 year olds- the worse mix on earth.  Though amazingly adorable, the 2 should never exist in a house at the same time, at least not on purpose.

2) Dachshund.  Did you research the breed first?  I don't know much about pugs, but I know A LOT about dachshunds (I have 4 and had an older one that died a few years ago.

Dachshunds mellow with age.  However, they require massive "teaching" and a constant eye when they are pups.  They may be small, but as I like to call them, they are still crazed weasels.  They are smart, quick, and simply insane as pups.  They are lovable and will turn into a lap dog when older, but you have to keep on the training when young or they will eat your house.

I have a few helpful suggestions that you may have tried, but I'm throwing it out there anyway:

1) Gate off anything you can and put shoes behind the gate.
2) Crate train the weasel.  It's as much for their good as yours.
3) This is a painful one- weasels are better if there are two of them.  They tend to play with each other and leave the shoes as a second choice.
4) Put USA made raw hides everywhere, especially in the same area that you would find shoes.  If the weasel has a shoe, trade it out with a chew toy and praise them with the chew toy.
5) Get pop can and throw a penny in each one.  Tape the top.  Shake it when the weasel is being bad.  It's more effective then yelling, and the weasel will usually drop the shoe and run.
6) Did I mention crate training??????  Yeah, crate train.

Puppies are not easy, but the puppy time is short lived.  The most insane weasels that I have had have turned into the sweetest, best dogs in the end.  So, you just need to find a balance in your house and keep the weasel from eating the couch.

My first crazed weasel used to get under the couch, lay flat on his back and chew the underside of the couch. My second weasel liked to chew on electrical cords.  My third weasel wouldn't sleep through the night and liked to chew on everything. My crazy weasel pair of 9 month old pups came from a rescue home.  The rescuer gave them old shoes as play toys (yeah, that has worked out well).  The three older weasels all outgrew their insanity and turned into total lapdogs.  I'm still converting the younger weasels, though.  They are a bit trickier because one is mellow but the other is a tazmanian devil in disguise.

on Apr 24, 2008

Thanks for all the advice, even (and especially) little-whip. BTW, great poem.

I'll see if I can get the pictures linked correctly (they worked the other night, but Picassa must use some kind of dynamic adressing, so they don't work now).

Just an update for those that are interested: We're getting Bella (and ourselves) into some training classes. We've already checked into PetSmart for that, but I was wondering if anyone had any feedback on their program versus others, or any recommendations on that front.

We have been crate-training Bella from early on (no choice really; my wife and I both work around 10 hours each day), and finally she (the puppy, not my wife; if only...) is to the point where she'll go to her kennel, get in and lie down when we say "Bella, kennel". It's nice to see progress.

Still coming up short on the only-outside expulsion of her bowel and bladder. With time...

I put a couple of rocks in an empty Slimfast can and sealed the top this morning. Haven't tried it out yet, but hopefully it will help in keeping Bella in line.

Again, thanks to everyone for letting me vent, and for all the helpful advice.

on Apr 24, 2008

Let's see if this works instead.

Here's a link to pictures of Bella and Gabbie:

Picasa/misterme

Let me know!

on Apr 24, 2008
They worked....those ics of the baby are older right? That's no two year old...heh.

I love the one of the puppy with the shoes....haha
on Apr 26, 2008

They worked....those ics of the baby are older right? That's no two year old...heh.I love the one of the puppy with the shoes....haha

Heh...Yeah. The pics of Gabbie are very old. We've just been sending all her recent pics straight to the mailing list of our family and friends, instead of hosting them on the gallery.

All the pics of Gabbie on Picasa are of her first few weeks. Certainly looks nothing like that now.

Admittedly, Bella's are of her when we first brought her home, as well. I'll have to find the ones of her most recent, or take some new ones once I've figured out what's wrong with our camera. AS soon as I do, I'll update Picasa and throw a post up here.

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